I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
In America we eat man semen.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
