When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Someone signed my nipple.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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