K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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