For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize