If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
