so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
