god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
