Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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