why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
