She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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