i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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