I want to stick my p in your. b.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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