No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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