No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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