Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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