dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
