Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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