Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
