The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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