my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
