I think I am morally bankrupt
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
