I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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