what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
