Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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