All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
