I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
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