he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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