dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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