what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
50% drunk capacity currently
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
