When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
