i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
