you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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