; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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