From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
