i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
