I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
