Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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