he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
