Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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