so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
two words: eviction party
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
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