Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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