I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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