Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
