She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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