No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
