honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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