Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
