i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
