walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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