I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize