I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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