Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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