Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
