How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
