I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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