No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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