Acid is not a monday night drug
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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