I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize