i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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