WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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