So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Randomize
