What did we do last night that was yellow?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
