Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Barsexuality is the new black.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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