You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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