oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
