The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
