I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
