I bet he comes in French.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
