Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
