I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
