What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize