The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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