Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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